I think this is the only quiet place I have. I haven’t shown anyone anything here, so I don’t feel behooved to speak a certain way or to try to phrase things any differently than how it comes out of my head. It’s sort of a relief, honestly. I feel as though I spend most of my time trying to please others, to assuage, to soothe… sometimes I just want to be me. Sometimes my thoughts and feelings want to come out, unedited, unmodified… just Me.
Furball.. I love him. I’ve had a crush on him since forever, and haven’t even entertained the idea because I thought he was so much above me. Now that I’m with him it’s like a dream. He makes my heart sing, to use the completely cheesy vernacular. I wake up eager to talk to him, I go to bed at night when I do because well, he’s asleep and so I might as well.
There are a few issues… my libido, his meds…. but it’s not something that can’t be gotten over. And honestly I’d rather be with him, and without cyber, than without him, and with. I’m going crazy with need, lol, I’m a bit ashamed of how much I pounce on him and he’s just like, eh. But he’s effusive with the snuggles and quite open about how much he loves me, so I’m not worried that he’s just really not interested… it’s just side effects. Damn I hate his meds.
I was considering bringing up voicing to him… but I feel like such a slut wanting even to do it so he can hear me.. but I find that erotic too, letting him listen while I get off. If I bring it up to him though he’ll just say filthy, or naughty girl or something like that. Which is usually a good thing when he says it. even if I worry that he’s going to get tire of me pouncing on him, or worried of him getting bored of me, I love being able to, for the most part, be exactly who i am in front of him, without worrying about him judging.
I really do adore him. He’s wonderful, and so good for me. He makes me smile.
